Sad

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I realized a minute ago I’m sad. Not depressed but a combination of lonely and sad. I’ve been obsessed today with wishing I had cancer. I wish I had it instead of my son. I would love to trade places with him. It’s not that I particularly want to die but if I have to go is a noble way. Plus in my sick mind it’d be a good way to lose weight with chemo and radiation. Do people without mental health issues think this way? I know I’ve whined before that I wish I could be in a normal brain for a day but really it give me a perspective on if the things I think are normal life or due to my brains weird wiring. I know it’d never happen and that makes me sad. I’m lonely as I’m reminded how this year was supposed to be about passion and here it is may and I’m still stuck in the same thought patterns. I try to think about ways to be passionate but it’s all exhausting. God help me I just want a different life.

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12 thoughts on “Sad

    Madeline Harper said:
    May 17, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    I think anyone with children thinks of ANY way to take away their pain, I don’t think you are alone at all. Huge hugs

    Daniel payne said:
    May 17, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    Don’t lose hope. Don’t lose faith. Don’t lose yourself in this difficult time. This too shall pass.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      May 17, 2016 at 7:40 pm

      Thank you I’m trying not too

        Daniel payne said:
        May 17, 2016 at 7:42 pm

        Find something that makes you smile. A cup of coffee. A TV show you’ve seen a million times. A guilty pleasure song you wouldn’t want anyone else to know you like. Focus on these things, even for a second, and hold on to them.

    Micki Allen said:
    May 17, 2016 at 8:01 pm

    You are not alone; and dare I say, you’re in good company. Keep the faith, Beautiful. XOXOX

    Aunt Tabbi said:
    May 18, 2016 at 10:49 am
    Elusive Trope said:
    May 20, 2016 at 11:40 am

    There is a song by the group The Handsome Family called “Drunk by Noon” to which over the years in my depressed manic moods I used to relate quite well:

    Sometimes I flap my arms like a hummingbird just to remind myself I’ll never fly
    Sometimes I burn my arms with cigarettes just to pretend I won’t scream when I die
    Sometimes I can’t wait to come down with cancer
    At least then I’ll get to watch tv all day
    And on my deathbed I’ll get all the answers even if all my questions are taken away.
    If my life was as long as the moon’s, I’d still be jealous of the sun
    If my life lasted only one day, I’d still be drunk by noon.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      May 20, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      I can relate to the song for sure. Thanks for sharing

    manyofus1980 said:
    June 1, 2016 at 1:39 am

    I hear you. Loneliness sucks. I feel lonely a lot. Xoxo

      socialworkerangela responded:
      June 1, 2016 at 7:14 am

      Thanks for taking away some loneliness with our chat last night

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