First thank you for all your positive words and vibes. My depression broke like a fever yesterday around one. I almost thought I was manic but sitting in my feelings I now see it as normal. Or what I think normal people feel. I’m content and like myself at the moment. But I don’t have any grandiose thoughts so not manic.
Now on to the challenge. I am lucky to be alive. I’ve spoken of my near death experience but can’t remember about my overdose. It was three years ago and I was in full catastrophic mode about work. I just wanted to sleep so I took a hand full of klonopine then panicked I took too much. I told my husband I was going to the gym and drove myself to the hospital. In hindsight I should have had him drive me but I was ashamed of what I’d done. I had even written a cryptic text to my boss. I was so out of it I didn’t even feel the iv go in. They didn’t pump my stomach as I guess I didn’t take enough to warrant that and they didn’t admit me to a long term hospital stay. The doctor who was an internist not a psych doctor decided it wasn’t a suicide attempt. I guess it wasn’t in the big grand gesture of things but I think looking back talking to a psych doctor would have been better. I hadn’t been diagnosed with anything yet but depression. Anyway that is why I feel lucky today and to let anyone know your not alone in your thoughts of suicide if you get them. I know the pain and I feel it for you as well.