Being swallowed alive

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I feel like I am being swallowed alive by my despair. I can’t see anything but darkness. I’m trying positive self talk but I feel the pull of dying tugging at my hurting heart. I’ve called my pdoc and am waiting on a call back. I’m trying to ask for help before I do something I can’t take back. I’m at work and my concentration is for shit. I forgot how painful depression can be. How hopeless and all consuming. Please send prayers or positive vibes my way. I could use them today.

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16 thoughts on “Being swallowed alive

    Xeno said:
    March 28, 2016 at 10:35 am

    💓:hugs: 💓

    dreamingfracture said:
    March 28, 2016 at 10:43 am

    I am sorry you are feeling like this. I recently read a great memoir of depression called ‘Sunbathing in the Rain’ which is all about the author’s breakdown and her following recovery.
    One of the things that really stood out to me and resonated with my own experience is that she suggests viewing depression as a marker that you need to make a change in your current life. She also suggests that sometimes allowing yourself to feel the low and embrace it as a time to stop, sleep, envelope yourself in yourself instead of doing things for others all the time can be a real positive in the long term. Whilst stopping completely isn’t always an option, perhaps this is a good opportunity to reflect and think about changes you can make to help in the future.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 28, 2016 at 10:58 am

      I agree a change probably needs done but what I don’t know. I’ll need to sit on it and think.

        dreamingfracture said:
        March 28, 2016 at 1:18 pm

        This low is your chance to do that. Perhaps taking a couple of days off work for reflection and self-care might be a good thing to do? I speak from experience when I say that throwing yourself into work that you aren’t in the mental space for really does no good in the long run. It might cause a distraction but it won’t be your best work and it will simply delay the low feeling g returning.
        Take that

        dreamingfracture said:
        March 28, 2016 at 1:19 pm

        Oops, hit the wrong button. Take that couple of days to recoup and consider what will help you feel better more permanently.

        socialworkerangela responded:
        March 28, 2016 at 4:16 pm

        I want to take time off but I can’t. I’d just sit at home thinking about what all I could be doing. If it wasn’t the end of the month I would though

    istralouise said:
    March 28, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I’m so sorry you are feeling like this right now. You have my prayers and well wishes and warm thoughts ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) I wish I could hug you through the screen right now and I hope you get an answer back from your pdoc soon.. I know how time goes so slow and grates on your nerves when you are so low and needing hope and an answer. Just hang in there and take each moment as it comes, singly.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 28, 2016 at 10:59 am

      Thank you for your supportive words. I feel the hug even though through the inter webs

    blahpolar said:
    March 28, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    Hope you’ve had a call back by now mate

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 28, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      I haven’t heard anything I’ll try again tomorrow

    Hell'e Chante said:
    March 28, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    When the negative voices inside my head get too loud it helps me to do some guided meditations for anxiety or going outside for a walk. Hope you are feeling better!

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 28, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      It’s a beautiful day out I think I will go on a walk after work. Great suggestion thank you

    myambivalentexistence said:
    March 28, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    *biggianthugs* I hope it lets up soon

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