This work thing has me in a tizzy. The suicidal ideation is back over it. It’s so silly and disheartening. I spent last night having a pity party for myself. I kept thinking of the past and how fun I use to be. Now I’m blah and hate to leave the house. My weight has me down as well. I knew better about the work thing my head kept telling me to do the work but I kept putting it off. Now I’m in a bind. I had crazy dreams last night. It was stressful but still better than real life. I want to stay in my dreams. I feel guilty not being able to write about sunshine and rainbows. I’m just an emotional mess right now and not sure how to relieve it. Please God help me.