I was asked to be on of a handful of blogs to interact with the author of The Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage On Ourselves. The book is an intimately personal, raw, almost poetic look into the author’s journey into a new self acceptance. In trying to recover from the loss of her former identity as a artist, her life slipped into chaos.
I feel it is such an honor. We were asked if we wanted the author to write a blog post for us and I chose how and why we feel invisible in our lives and with others. THis is something I feel often myself so it is dear to my heart. Here is her words on the subject.
Invisibility is a superpower. It affords us the opportunity to avoid difficult situations, sneak past guards, and enter forbidden rooms. Many of us have mastered this power because we believe it keeps us safe. If we’re invisible, we don’t have to engage, take risks, or suffer heartbreak. We keep our heads down at work so the boss won’t notice us. At home, we disappear into televisions, smart phones, and computer screens. A constant barrage of media keeps us distanced and entertained.
I spent decades developing my superpower. I had this amazing, protective armor and donned it every day. People thought they saw me, but they were wrong. While I wore it, I was invisible, invincible, and strong. But superpowers are dangerous. They are blessing and curse. Even when used with the best intentions, they can cause incredible hurt.
Invisibility backfires. The more often we disappear, the harder it becomes to be seen – even when we want that more than anything.
You know how it goes. You bump into a friend you haven’t seen in awhile and she asks, “How are you?”
You’re wearing your magic armor and can’t get it off in time. You say, “I’m fine. Great. How about you?”
She says, “I’m good. Busy, but good.”
The conversation moves quickly now. You ask about families and jobs. Everyone, it seems, is wonderful. You’re both living perfect lives. Then it’s her turn in the checkout line and, before you know it, she’s gone. As you push your cart through the crowded parking lot, your armor feels unbearably heavy. You know you lied. The truth is you’ve been fighting with your husband, your son’s failing his math class, and your dog recently died.
You load your groceries into the trunk, unlock the car and get inside. Then you sit there a minute, slumped in your seat. Memories flood your mind. In the years before marriage and kids you and your friend spent long evenings together with a bottle of wine. You told each other everything. You giggled and cried. Then life happened and you both got too busy to make the time.
That, too, is a lie. It’s part of the armor that protects us, even if when we’re dying inside. What would happen if we took it off? What would our friends and lovers, co-workers and kids think if they knew the truth about us? Would they run screaming for the hills if they discovered our imperfections? If they could really see us, would they love us less?
I used to believe that and wore my armor morning, noon, and night. Then the armor almost cost me my life. To save it and my marriage, I pried it off one rusty plate at a time. Without it, I felt raw and terribly small. Shivering and shaking, I stood naked in front of my husband. I didn’t know what would happen and was so afraid of what might, but the air felt good on my skin. My body felt light.
Instead of running, my husband took me in his arms. He called me brave and held me tight. That night, we spent long hours with a bottle of wine. We told each other everything. We giggled and cried.
“Brave, raw, and unflinchingly honest, this book is a weight loss journey, a love story, a heart beating loudly on the page. Every day we battle against something–injustice, our spouses, our weight. Seldom do we acknowledge the real wars we wage. Repressing feelings and silencing our voices, we suffer under the surface, attributing emotional distress and unwanted pounds to the inescapable effects of hormones or age.
But weight gain, anxiety, and marital difficulties aren’t always so easy to explain.
In her poignant and touching memoir, Allison doesn’t offer recipes, exercise tips, or advice. Instead, she shows us how to stand up, express what we want, and develop empathy for ourselves and the people we love. In doing so, she provides invaluable insight for those seeking to lose weight, save a marriage, or make a significant life change.”
About the Author:
Destiny Allison has been a professional and award winning sculptor with her work collected by individuals, civic entities, and corporations worldwide. When an injury required her to re-envision her life, Allison did what she always does. She applied her explosive creativity and dog-with-a-bone tenacity to new endeavors such as community building efforts and developing an innovative business model that transformed a bankrupt shopping center into a thriving community and commercial center. In 2011 she was named Santa Fe Business Woman of the Year.
She has also published a non-fiction book, Shaping Destiny: A Quest for Meaning in Art and Life that won best independent non-fiction/memoir in the 2013 Global Book Awards. Since then, she has published two novels and opened a general store.
Destiny writes, “Seldom do we acknowledge the real wars we wage. Repressing feelings and silencing our voices, we suffer under the surface, attributing emotional distress and unwanted pounds to the inescapable effects of hormones or age, but weight gain and marital difficulties aren’t always so easy to explain. We need to talk about the small things that eat at us, speak honestly about our feelings and experiences, and learn to abandon the cultural conventions that imprison our souls. My story is not uncommon. In sharing it, I hope readers are inspired. It is my great wish that the book will help women and the men who love them find peace with themselves.”
Please check her out. I think you will like what she has to say.