My spirit

image

This week has been hell. My mental wellness has been in tatters. I keep thinking I could have handled things differently. I honestly don’t know how though. I don’t have the tools when things really get into my head to pull away. Mindfulness was gone… Trying to think of a calming sea shore gone. It has been a lesson in tweaking my tool box. Not sure how to do it but I have to try. Part of me wishes I had the strength to go to the hospital. I think some acute care would help but my perfectionism just won’t let me. I’ve never been in the hospital for mental health. This is why I think it would help. maybe I could get some tools. I don’t know 😦 I just know this anxiety is killing my spirit.

6 thoughts on “My spirit

  1. Years ago when I first went into the hospital, we had all sorts of groups, learned many skills, and had time each day with a therapist. We did crafts and gym every day too. But, at least around here, with dwindling funds and minimum staff, that’s gone by the wayside. More recently when I’ve been in the hospital, it’s been more like being warehoused until your insurance runs stops paying. The only group I went to was a 12 step addictions group, which they made me go to even though I’ve never had a substance abuse issue. The only real benefit was being kept safe from self-harm, but they didn’t really do well at that either. Hopefully it’s better in your area, but if it’s like it is around here nowadays, there’s no real point unless you’re an immediate danger to yourself.

  2. When I read the Maslow quote, I thought, yes this true, but so is the inverse. In other words, it isn’t about being in the present moment, but how one is present in the moment. In those times when I was down as far I could go in the rabbit hole, I was nothing but present in the moment, there was no past, no future, the anxiety being focused on nothing but itself, my heart rate, the hyper-ventilation.

    I don’t have any answers. Personally I believe when things get that bad, there is nothing in a toolbox to help but something to sedate the self. I spent many years self-medicating (e.g. alcohol), but now I have a psychiatrist giving me the medication. Sedate and wait it out. Sounds rather bleak, but I suppose that is the nature of the beast. Now it is about mildly sedating daily so that I don’t escalate to the point of no return, or to intervene when the escalation cuts through the minimal amount of sedatives I have taken.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The Bipolar Compass

It's OK to feel lost every once in awhile

Bipolar and the Buddha

My blog about the intersection of Bipolar Disorder and Buddhism

Mirrorgirl

My life as a psychologist

The Bipolar Gamer

Raising awareness for mental health disorders through a shared passion of video games, poetry and more.

I'm ready

And today was a day just like any other...

On Today's Episode Of Adventures With Dorianne

my life, my thoughts, my ideas, my journey

thestrongestsmile

the strongest smile is the one that holds back a tough girls tears. #mentalhealth #recovery From service user to staff nurse but always a stigma warrior...

%d bloggers like this: