Realization

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I’ve been doing some introspection about why I’m depressed. I think I’ve figured out what has triggered it.

First my birthday is Sunday. The last year I’ll be in my thirties. I’m more poor and messed up then I was in my twenties. Job wise though I’m more fulfilled. My children are getting older and soon I’ll have an empty nest. I know that’s still a few years away but still closer than them being babies.

Second and I don’t share this a lot… Only when close to his mri time… My middle son has benign brain cancer. He’d be cancer free if they had gotten out all in the two brain surgeries he has had but they can’t risk getting a remnant far in the middle of his brain. That is until it gets so big they have to take it out. Last mri it grew after five years of nothing. We go Wednesday to see if is grown some more. Frankly I’m scared. Things have been going good that I hope it’s not at the expense of my son. Maybe this is silly to think but fear doesn’t care.

So I have a couple pieces figured out. What do I do with this info?

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16 thoughts on “Realization

    Noel said:
    October 14, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    I hear you… I would be scared as well. I can only imagine what you are going through. Hang in there… Keep us posted.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      October 14, 2015 at 7:13 pm

      Will do… It’s next week so have a few days to wait

    mythoughts62 said:
    October 14, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    First of all, I’ll pray for you and your son.

    As long as I had a good therapist, this would be something good to bring up in a session (sorry if that’s way too obvious).

    As far as the empty nest situation goes, you could always adopt, my wife and I have and are in the process of adopting 7 teenagers over the years. They now range from 13 to 31 years old, two in the house at the moment, it’s going to be three in about a month. We plan on keeping this up as long as we can. We just do not want an empty nest!

      socialworkerangela responded:
      October 14, 2015 at 7:13 pm

      I work with foster parents is totally a calling

        mythoughts62 said:
        October 14, 2015 at 7:31 pm

        Good for you! I think what you are doing is wonderful. I remembered that from a previous post BTW. 🙂

    Jules said:
    October 14, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Sending strength

    Elusive Trope said:
    October 14, 2015 at 7:53 pm

    Sometimes depression is a natural and appropriate response to our lives. Sometimes it is just a matter of the intensity given the situation. Considering your son, I think just about any mother would be suffering depression (if not panic attacks). My thoughts and prayers are with you, your son and your family. The fear behind the sentiment – Things have been going good that I hope it’s not at the expense of my son.– is one that I can relate to very much. There is a (irrational) feeling that the universe balances itself out, doling out equal amounts of “good” and “bad.”

      socialworkerangela responded:
      October 14, 2015 at 9:13 pm

      That’s true… I think I get so caught up in my emotions I don’t appreciate “normal” mood responses.

    ~Michelle Cook said:
    October 14, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    So sad, saying prayers right now for you and your son.

    coffeeandperspectives said:
    October 15, 2015 at 6:45 am

    Wishes & heart goes out to you! Take care

    spiritualdragonfly said:
    October 15, 2015 at 7:09 am

    Sending positive vibes, thoughts and prayers to you and your son 🙏

    hopeforheather said:
    October 16, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    I’m so glad I can read your blog now!

    Also….I am so sorry about your son. What type of tumor is it? Do you tweet? Do you know about #BTSM on Twitter? I’m here if you ever want to talk brain tumor stufg

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