Despair

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We need to stop the stigma. I can’t help my racing thoughts or that I want to slit my wrists. The only thing stopping me is my children and my job. I’ve not had this much despair in months I of course hate it. But really who likes it? Duh! Kinda stupid to say but just thinking out loud. I’m making myself clean house when all I want to do is lay in bed. I need a shower too. Why do I let one conversation set me into this depression. I wish I could talk to my therapist but it’s not that kind of therapy. He’s not at my beck and call. I should have stuck with dbt. I’m such a loser I quit everything good for me.

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4 thoughts on “Despair

    Make happy happen! said:
    September 27, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    I recently shared a small portion of an experience as a child in my blog. It was difficult to write, unpleasant, and I’m not sure it was beneficial. This entry shares the battle I face over negative comments, which is why I am responding to your post.

    Sometimes I write a poem or post another entry to release the anger/pain. I also paint, craft, do house chores, call a friend, focus on the positive (that’s a battle), play with my fur baby Bella, ask questions, read, read, read, search for others who understand depression and are actively seeking a positive and productive life, do things for others when I can, call my children, detail my truck (lol, will I get that done today?) window shop to inspire creative ideas, etc.

    Refocusing my attention on other things helps, but writing about it helps release too. It’s okay to be on this journey, we are seeking wholeness. We are not trying to embrace depression, but not denying it either. I have to make myself do things too. Making ourselves do what needs to be done is a positive step and the sense of accomplishment follows. Failure does not mean you are a loser. It means try again. Maybe try something different. Even when we are negative, it can be positive. Endless songs and poems have been written when the writers were broken. My Fathers Eyes by Eric Clapton is a perfect example. It was a song about a missed relationship with his father and his son who died after falling from an apartment window.

    I’m going to make salt dough today. Squish my fingers through the doughy mixture and form little porcupines holding messages. Im going to play, after the laundry and reading more blogs.

    All the best to you. XO

      socialworkerangela responded:
      September 27, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Thank you for writing I’m getting my nails done to feel pretty and get out of the house. So far it’s been enjoyable

    Jules said:
    September 27, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    The stigma really does hold back how far we can really go with awareness and acceptance.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      September 27, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      I’m sure I’m seen as moody or lazy but it’s just my mind won’t shut off it’s an overload

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