Take a Ride on the Bi Polar Emotion Carousel

usetoday
Yes I am one of those people that uses FB to share my feelings. I have learned to set it on friends only most of the time. Oh Lordy when my hubby and I went through our separation I posted a lot of melodramatic things. Here is the status updates over the last couple of days.
February 6

Meds going well It is so great to feel better in my head 
After five days on my meds… I have my first hypo mania feelings/episode going on. This is actually a relief as one i have had a person or two tell me that bi polar 2 is the new specialty diagnosis as if they give it to anyone. (grrrrr … please do not minimize my feelings as I have known for years there was something wrong in my head) and two as weird as it sounds I was feeling so good that I was wondering if I needed to go up to a higher dose for my med as it has to go up gradually.

February 7

After five days on my meds… I have my first hypo mania feelings/episode going on. This is actually a relief as one i have had a person or two tell me that bi polar 2 is the new specialty diagnosis as if they give it to anyone. (grrrrr … please do not minimize my feelings as I have known for years there was something wrong in my head) and two as weird as it sounds I was feeling so good that I was wondering if I needed to go up to a higher dose for my med as it has to go up gradually.

Now the positive of finally getting what I believe is a proper diagnosis I can warn my family that I am in a hypo mania and the look in my eyes is neither personal or anything I can instantly change. BUT being able to label it (yes those horrible labels) makes me able to take a deep breath and ride out this wave as soon my mood will be better or switch to the other end of the spectrum and well we will have to just see… thank you hubby for being supportive for all these years with my crazy ass 

February 7

$%^%%$#*&& And now we are on the other side of the pendelum of Bi Polar the depression ugh … I will chant… I will get better I will get better I will get better. Dear Lord that didn’t take long. I totally do have the rapid fire type. BLUCK
February 8

Today I am feeling better in my head. Tomorrow I increase my dose sorta getting nervous about that. we will see  Very tired today too not much motivation etc.
a few seconds ago

Woke up very early today. Gotta love it when people treat you like shit so early in the morning. Doesn’t make you feel too good about yourself.
****************************************************************************************
So this was in reference to my hubby. Duh what better way to express yourself then on FB??? I also sent him a fuck you text. He acted all concerned when I first got up then acted like I was pissing in his cereal. So yes my hypo mania is of course all riled up. This is the first time I don’t feel completely supported by him and it hurts my feelings. I keep telling myself I am taking it too personal and everyone has moods but damn it today I want to be treated with kid’s gloves and like a princess. But maybe he feels I want that all the time. I don’t know … I am fearful that now I am diagnosed he will think I use it as an excuse for bad behavior when I have been trying to ask for his help in it all.
UGH … I just want to pull out all my hair, throw up, and go back to sleep.

I don’t know what is worse the tantrums I can’t seem to stop, the over sensitivity, or the depression. MENTAL ILLNESS SUCKS ASS!
Ok rant over for now. Friday I promise a nicer post as hubby and I renewed our vows …. totally his idea… so yeah I am a shitty person for being pissy with him I am sure and I will regret it but Damn it he didn’t even tell me good bye … kiss me… or say he loved me this morning and he usually does.  grrrr!

**** And as usual my normal Pimp my social media Diatribe!

I would love for you to  leave any comments or questions below :D

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2 thoughts on “Take a Ride on the Bi Polar Emotion Carousel

  1. ❤ I can just feel how cooped up in your head you must have been feeling. "i have had a person or two tell me that bi polar 2 is the new specialty diagnosis as if they give it to anyone." I imagine one of these is the person from a few posts back – I wish we could get across how dangerous that thinking is. I can put up with a LOT of shit, hell I could probably get punched in the face and I'd still be like "my bad." but when someone tells me I don't feel how I feel, or some passive shit like that….That's when I am most likely to snap and go ballistic.

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