OMG I have already acted a fool into the New Year, Why is it the older we get the more we sober up and become embarrassed by our fragmented memories of the night? I am not sure it is made better by it being sadly just my parents and children. I think I am bothered by my children being exposed to their drunk Mom. It rarely happens as I don’t drink much BUT man I guess I was in rare form. Just having a teenager makes my choices that much more important. And with three boys I feel a sense of showing them what a lady should be right. Problem is I ain’t no lady. I just want to be so much more! It is kind of fitting for my word of the year.
Did you get the theme and word of the year yet? Should I be done beating the dead horse?
Resentment, regret, embarrassment all those things are not helping my mental illness issues. I haven’t posted much as I have been on vacation and well doing nothing. But it feels good. I have a post started explaining how this realization I need to let go of these embarrassing regrets, the stiffling resentment, and constant worry of wanting what other’s have.
Last year it was about finding passion in myself and for life. I think reflecting back I have that. I worked hard at regaining my sense of self and trying to find some self worth. (Which IMO is way different then self confidence) I have learned to not make my self worth all on my marriage and my work but on myself. It is not perfect but it is improved. I am grateful for that. So logically figuring out how to be less envious, resentful, and regretful is an excellent goal for the new year.
I remember when I was 18. I was YOLO before YOLO was cool (ha anyone know the song I am referencing… anyone???? UGH I am old lol) I was going to live my fucking life without regret. I was going to make a choice and that was it. But then reality and consequence in life set in and well I have many regrets. Children will do that to ya or at least if you are a good parent. Humans are people full of mistakes. It is how we forgive ourselves and others that make us or break us.
Well I think I will end my thoughts here. I do plan on writing more frequently on this blog as I love writing and sharing. It’s good for my mental health and self worth 😀 And I will have my part two of the striking AH HA moment when I realized fully the extent of my resentment and envy issues.
May God, Allah, Pagan, and Wiccan, And Buddha (I like him the best but love God — Had to add that as I want a good year 😀 ) bring you and yours an awesome New Year. I am thankful to the folks who read this and who have started following. It warms my heart when I get the email I am being followed. Now I need to return the favor and take time to follow you guys as well. I beleive in receiving and giving (wink wink nudge nudge) oh geez gonna regret that when I sober up more and re-read this babbling post! HA
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