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Still depressed

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Today was worse. It’s soul defeating. The pain is so great to bare. I’m thankful I’ve been using my coping skills but it’s still sitting there. I want someone to cuddle with and tell me it’ll all be okay.

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Sad and lonely

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I’m sad and lonely tonight. I actually cried today big sobs. That’s how sad I am. I haven’t cried in months. My head is a mess. My life is a mess and I don’t know how to fix it.

Lovely blog award

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I was nominated by Nmalien for the lovely blog award. The roles are simple.

1. Thank the person who nominated you for the award.

2. Share seven things about yourself.

3. Nominate 7 other bloggers and inform them.

So thank you for the nomination check out her blog is pretty awesome.

  1. I just did a list so these will be things people probably already know…. But I’m a social worker by trade

  1. I had gastric bypass about eight years ago but have gained most of the weight back I wish I knew now what I didn’t know then like that I was bipolar

  2. I have three sons I am raising in my own as there father had little to do with them

  3. I love lindt chocolate

  4. I use to scrap book hard core I need to get back into it

  5. Today I am grateful that the school is very understanding of my son’s needs

  6. I often listen to music and dance around like I’m in the club it’s a great stress release lol

I can’t nominate from my phone well so I’ll do the third part later today from a pc. I want to post this asap. Thanks for reading!

Ten things about me

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I’m going to try to think of ten things I haven’t shared before.

  1. I went to state speech contest in high school with reciting Edgar Allan Poe a tell tale heart. I use to be fearless.
  2. I have only truly been homicidal once and it was in high school. It’s what started me down my mental health journey as I was so scared of acting on it I told the school counselor. This was before school shootings were a thing so I just was sent to counseling.
  3. I use to want to have my own radio show like Dr Laura but nicer. I almost went to broadcasting school. I regret not pursuing it.
  4. I have this idea of opening up a spa that caters to plus sized people.
  5. I love avocados and am really craving guacamole right now
  6. My son is hearing voices and I don’t know how to get him proper help. It’s not enough for the hospital but it’s alarming. I think I’ve passed down my baggage.
  7. I have a girl trip planned this June I’m excited about. I hope it doesn’t fall through.
  8. Today I am grateful for the sun.
  9. I often wish I could go back to the hospital but I’m also afraid of going back it was a dark place that lead me there
  10. Today I’m not sure I like myself I feel overwhelmed at work.

Meme kind of day

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Can you tell I’m bored and I don’t want to work? All these have a common theme. They ring true. I recently had a Facebook memory from six years ago that talked about how shitty my life is yet it’s not much better in a lot of aspects. Really why can’t I find stability? Will I ever get it? Will I find the confidence to say the things needed to be said and live the life I want? I am grateful don’t get me wrong. But these six years have been long and full of turmoil. When do I get my happily ever after?

Oh yes gratitude

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I’m thankful I have a four day weekend. But first I have to get through today and tomorrow.

Good morning

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Do you think memes like this are funny or stigmatizing? I’m on the fence.