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My grandma died last night. I haven’t cried. These freaking pills make it hard. I feel a tightness in my chest. It sucks. She helped raise me and before she got dementia she was a good morale lady. Rest in peace may God wrap you in his arms.
Just maybe my life will be ok. Things I’m grateful for in no particular order… My children, my job, food to eat, my parents, my home.
I think I’m depressed. All I want to do is sleep. But thankfully it seems to be mild. I thought my disjointed thoughts in the last post was maybe mania coming but I think more so lack of concentration. I for once don’t like this feeling. Looking back I usually embrace the depression. Like I know nothing different but I feel a severe loss in life this time. I just want someone to wrap me in their arms and quite the storm. But all I have is myself but it never feels good enough.
I’ve got loads of changes happening. The last two days have gone well. After my worry post I started feeling more confident. But I don’t want to be cocky. I get moments of insecurity but I know that’s normal. I’m in a good mood so that’s a plus. This post is choppy I hope I’m not going manic hmmm
I’m full of worries. My grandma is dying. I need to see her this weekend before she goes. I hope she doesn’t go before then. I’ve been very neglectful of her and I feel awful about it.
I worry about my son. He shares too much which could cause him to be bullied. I don’t want him to become suicidal. It scares me.
I worry about this job and if it was a good idea. I just don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m already ready for the weekend and it’s only Wednesday.
I know I have more but these are the most on my mind ones. I’m trying to give them to God but it’s a struggle for me.
Today has been a better day. It’s just change and new and of course I want to be perfect.
Oh and drug test went fine but still leery they will use it against me one day. I hope I’m worrying for nothing. They didn’t ask why or anything. So that’s good.
I’m feeling very insecure about my decision. I hope it’s just the newness and not knowing everything. I just don’t know.