Because We all need to find a way to live with ourselves
I swear today was a shit show. My toxic ex yelled at me… this was after he came to my house being exposed to covid and talked close to the children. I told him to fucking stop yelling at me. This is huge as im usually very pleasing toward him. Yet i let him make me feel like a bad mom in the aftermath.
So with all that said if you think you’ve been exposed to covid how many days does it take to incubate before you should get tested? Does anyone know off hand?
I’m sitting here wanting to cry. I feel so low. I just want to have a life without the roller coaster moods. This feeling is so soulfully painful. I’m going to go distract myself maybe that will help.
Today i was reminded why we have to let go of toxic people. I know my ex got a reminder today of why we divorced and i did too. We don’t talk often but it’s our middle son’s graduation this Saturday so we’ve had reason to. I know playing the conversation back he’s thinking still same old story of overreacting and too much parent (or with our children grandparent) involvement.
I’m at least grateful i can see his side of it all and realize we just weren’t a good fit on so many levels. I can see how in my unmedicated mind i wanted so bad to be loved and have two parents for my children like i do. Sometimes those dreams aren’t possible and that’s ok. I now on most days love myself and that was a discovery i had to make without him.
Im beyond irritated at fed ex they have horrible customer service and waiting around to hear the door knock sucks. Just saying….
This is what I’m up to today.
Getting my little late due to covid iron infusion.
Life is easy breezy on my staycation despite getting angry at the delivery guy now i have to wait until tomorrow to pray i hear him knock. Grrrr hope all is well with you.
This was my fortune today. I’m praying and hoping it’s true. I do think some happiness is up to me. Learning to make better choices and coping mechanisms will help with my happiness level. I also know i can’t sustain it twenty four seven and i have to be okay with the moments im in my head and can’t get out. I will do my best to give myself grace and kindness. I hope you find your level of happiness as well.
Im excited for my new job. I think im getting out while the getting is good at my current job. The state is having major budget cuts and with this job i already started with a fifty cent raise. Im just hoping the insurance is good. Im on a already planned vacation this week then i go back for three days then off for four days then new job. Whoop whoop.
I’m not wanting this week to go fast but then i do. Im ready for the next chapter of life. Im in a good place and i like it.
I had another vivid dream of the man i think is my soul mate but circumstances it didn’t work out… i know i know here probably isn’t my soul mate though… anyway why do i keep dreaming of him? I hope he does miss me but who knows.
This was my tarot card of the day. I don’t always look at them but glad i did today. It is time for me to move on. I am at peace with my decision and it’s refreshing. I have a weeks vacation then three days of things to do then a four day weekend before my new job. It’s a lot of time off but i deserve it.
It’s weird i just had a thought of i don’t need saving for once. Im not looking for a medication person or idea to make me not bipolar or anxious or any other mental health issue i have. I am simply me and for today that’s enough.
I say im sorry a lot. I carry a lot of guilt. It’s something engrained in me. I will have random thoughts of stupid things I’ve said or done play through my head. I don’t need to apologize for everything. I don’t need a life of constant dislike of my choices. Boundaries are good things and putting yourself first doesn’t hurt no one sometimes.
My day was a bust but in a good way. I am on the countdown from my old job. Thankfully i have vacation starting Friday. Just two days to get things done but i don’t have much to do so it makes for a long day.
My mood overall is good. I feel some guilt for leaving as they can’t replace me right now but i think it’s more i should feel guilty feeling then actual guilt. Overall i feel free. My anxiety is way lower though i did have issues sleeping last night. Not sure why.
My hope is i can connect to my clients at my new job without being too empathetic. Self care and boundaries will be critical.
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A blog about the chaotic journey of mental illness and how my salvation, faith, self-acceptance and hope have helped me move forward!
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