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Just found this
So profound… I know people care but no one in real life expert my children and parents and I’m tired of being a burden.
Lonely
I’m feeling overwhelming loneliness today. It’s like a black sludge is pouring over my heart and weighing it down. I just want to run away from my life and start over. Be someone different. I don’t hate myself but I don’t like myself either. Life is not fun.
Checking in
It’s the weekend. Im feeling ok. Friday I took my son to the psych Dr is worse then I imagined. He is very brave for his age and I appreciate his honesty with the doctor. He was given meds and a plan to follow. I’m thinking I need some fmla for it.
I feel so much guilt and shame that I passed on my mental health issues to him. I so wish I could fix it all. But I can’t even fix me. I feel like I’m such bullshit. I feel the depression right around the corner. I’m not sure how to stop it.
Can’t get rid of this anxiety
I long for those fleeting days that were carefree and anxiety free. Up and down up and down that is life. Guilt… Self loathing all rolled up into a bundle yet I’m not depressed so that’s good.
I asked for latuda. I was told that’s for bipolar two and I have bipolar one. This is news to me. I wonder when it got switched.
I’m just a lost little girl trying to find her way in this world.
Just one day
even though I’ve had far more good days recently then bad this week has felt like this. Tomorrow I see the psych Dr and hopefully get my meds adjusted as I promised myself to be more assertive in asking and is in person which I feel makes it easier. Just sucks I have to drive an hour and half away.
Damn anxiety
I’m in anxiety overload. I can’t find the words to tell my boss I messed up. I’m just sitting here being ineffective. Now she’s out of the office. I’m already over this week. Please send prayers and calming vibes.
Hoping tomorrow doesn’t come
You reap what you sow. I have messed up at work. I got a call on Sunday… Today… About it. Nothing I can do until tomorrow when I have to tell my boss I messed up and did some major self sabotage. Why do I do this. Do I want to get fired? I don’t understand myself. Ugh. I don’t want tomorrow to come but I’m not suicidal. I just want it to be groundhogs day and this day play over and over again. The weird thing is I’m numb about it. I should be more concerned but I’m not and that scares me. What does it all mean?
