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Waiting 

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I’m waiting for my son’s MRI to be done. It’s going over time wise and I’m worried. 

I signed up for the DNA test for bipolar. I’m excited. I hope I get picked. 

Therapy went well. Though he didn’t seem to know how deep we could go in the aspect that bipolar is chemical so you can’t “cure” it with therapy. But making some of the ways I handle situations better would be an improvement. This would usually derail me but not this time. Of course I’m on the stable side of things so optimistic

He does think I’m bipolar one though which I found interesting. No one as far as I know as diagnosed me with one. He also said the fact I have kept my job for so long is amazing. So that was cool. 

Anyway I’m hoping my son will be done soon. It’s a half hour over time like I said a little worrisome. 

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Therapy and more

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I don’t know why I get nervous at therapy appts but I do. I am guessing it’s because I want them to fix me and I know they can’t. They can only help to fix me. I have to put in the work. Anyway I’m about to meet the person I’ve waited four months to see. My hopes are high.

I also have my son’s MRI and Drs appt the next two days. A lot of traveling. I’m praying we get a room at the Ronald McDonald house. It’s never a guarantee. 

Well I think my name should be called soon. I’ll update when I can.

A lot on my mind

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I have a lot on my mind. I can’t get away from it. To overanalyze every little thing is exhausting. Yet this morning I feel good enough which is refreshing. I love life which of course makes me wonder if I’m going manic. I can’t just enjoy it as maybe feeling stable. It would be wonderful to feel this way all the time.

Sigh

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Today anxiety is high. I’m trying to remain calm. So far I’m doing ok but I did take medication. I become such an ostrich about things. I avoid them until they are a bigger problem then need be. Sigh. I just want a different life. But I won’t get one so here I am. Being me. And that had to be enough.

Wasting time

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I’m wasting time until my next appt. Well I guess technically it’s my lunch. I’m ready for this day to be over. I haven’t posted lately as nothing new to say. I feel like life is a waste of time that holds little joy but I’m still here. Keeping the hope it’ll get better. We shall see.

Another update

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Aaron doesn’t have mono that’s good news but they took blood to check things out since he’s so fatigued. Anyway just wanted to share.

Quick update

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I’m sitting here waiting for my son’s name to be called for urgent care. I’m wondering if he has mono. I actually cried today worrying about him and I can’t really cry often due to medication. I probably need a good cry. It’s just one more thing in a string of crap. Nothing good to report though I wish there was. Lord help me is my prayer today.