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It is what it is

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Relationships are hard. I have a confession to make. Last week I went on a date and it was horrible. There was a lot of red flags that I ignored wanting to be liked. Please tell me I’m not alone In doing this? Frankly my choice in men is horrendous. What is it about me that attracts people that are not healthy for me? Am i a for crap person putting out this karma? I am sure it’s because I want it so bad. This movie romance that doesn’t exist. I need to just focus on me but I crave attention. Like I said in the title… It is what it is.

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Two thoughts

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Some people are bullshit… Very disappointing

And when it rains it pours. I know very vague but just had to say those two things.

Today 10.16.2018

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My reader for WordPress sucks. It skips chunks of time so I don’t get all your posts. I’m not sure how to fix it.

Like everything that Goes up it must come down. I feel not so much depressed but sullen and anxious.

My birthday is Thursday. I have to work it. I haven’t worked a birthday in five years. It sucks but I have no choice. I’m going to be 42. I most of the time don’t feel like I’m I my forties. I feel ten years younger in my mind but there are days in my soul I feel my age. Isn’t life suppose to get easier with age?

Back to the grind

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Why do the weekends go so fast? I’m not manic anymore thankfully. But I’m in a mood of treating myself badly. I keep saying negative thoughts to myself. I’m fat I’m ugly I can’t do anything right. I make poor choices. I’m no good for anyone. The list goes on. I know I shouldn’t listen but it’s pervasive. Why are we so mean to ourselves? It’s a toxic relationship.

Feeling manic

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This song is everything right now. I’m crawling out of my skin wanting to do bad things. I want to go to a bar and have sex. I want to spend money and go to a strip club. I’m fighting it but the urge is there. I love this feeling. But the rational me is fighting it.

Its time for memes

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These represent my current mood. Very retrospective right now which I think is a good thing as long as it doesn’t depress me.

Conundrum

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I just don’t know what to do with myself. I am so co dependent and crave attention. I think my male championship picker is broke. Why can’t I just be ok with being alone?