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Do more

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I know i should do more that makes me happy but i struggle finding those things. What does make me happy? Im really not sure. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wasn’t too be creative but really im not. How do you find self care things to make you happy?

Mood dipping

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I wish mood dipping was as much fun as skinny dipping. I’ve only done that once and it was in a farm pond in my late teens. Life was easier then yet i took it for granted. Anyway i don’t need to think of that and sway my mood more down hill.

I do think it may be triggered by pms. Im trying to figure out triggers this year better. So i think that coupled with im going to be gone all week for work in training. I’ll be in a hotel with just myself. I use to look forward to these get aways but this time it’s got me anxious.

I’ve said this before

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I am often disgusted with myself. I often can’t just let it go. Many times the nice thing about time is it dulls the ache but when your in your mind and you can’t get away the pain remains. You have to love yourself through it.

Normal day

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I had someone point out that my not knowing my feelings could just mean im having a normal day. It was a novel idea. So im having another one of those days and im ok with that. In fact im going to enjoy it. My concentration is a little for crap but i think it’s the weather. I am grateful for this life i have even though i take it for granted. It’s awesome to be pain emotionally free. What a relief. I hope you all are having a normal day as well.

Once again not sure

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Im once again not sure how i feel. Im anxious slightly yet not that much. I have gratitude yet feel sorry for myself. The more i think of it the more i am nothing. I think im depressed or i want to be but the meds mask it.

Today im grateful for my job, a roof over my head, heat, my family, and a car that runs.

Well hell

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I listen to soothing ambient music or sounds when sleeping. Last night i picked one with a supposed subliminal message to stop feeling guilty. Now all i feel is guilt and afraid. I have a laundry list going through my brain of things I’ve made decisions on that backfired or just how inadequate i am at things.

It makes my skin crawl and my head hurt. I just don’t know what to do with myself. My heart hurts as well.

Survival mode

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I want to do more than live i want to thrive. I feel good today. It’s a nice change. I need to bottle up this feeling for a rainy day. If only it was that easy. I’ve stayed off Facebook maybe that has helped. It certainly can’t hurt.

I want to plant a seed of change and maintain it. Life has its moments and i need to learn to embrace them all.